i have realized several things recently.
1) when i embarked on this blogging journey i didn't think it thru. i have never been able to keep a journal & i thought i could keep a blog.(consistently).... that was silly
2) when i started this blog i was in a seriously dark spot in life. i know that's why i started it, i needed to feel like i had a voice again
3) where i am now is totally different. i wish i could've shared my growth & transformation so maybe at least one other soul would've been encouraged, but i didn't
4) i am far from where i want to be, but i feel like a transformation is happening & a real awakening. i am once again believing i am fully human & fully alive.
i am so thankful that my life isn't over. but more importantly i am thankful that i am learning to love myself again. i've always loved others, but i began to believe the lies i've been told for so long.... that i was not worth loving, that i was not good enough, that i am not beautiful, smart, talented etc i began to hate myself & speak death blows to myself..... my life was not full of darkness, but my own love tank was low, so low that the love i was receiving i didn't believe was real. why could they love me? how could they love me?
now? i am beginning to believe the truth. the truth that my Creator designed me in His image. He is beautiful, wonderful, beyond compare. If God loves me enough to save me, call me His child, His bride, His friend & desires a relationship w/ me, then i mustn't be that bad. I began to remember & acknowledge that i am more than my mistakes, the way i look or how i feel. that i can reclaim myself & the abandoned areas of my life. that with the Lord Almighty's help i can again be healthy mind, body & soul.
i still have a long way to go. i struggle to stay on track, and i fall often, but now i get up. i will again show my strength & beauty, my love & wisdom. to be the lioness & life giver i was designed to be.
my hope is to learn & grow to inspire & encourage others. to point to Jesus & to help/serve those in need. to above all else walk in the Spirit & to love.
i am hoping w/in the next month or so to start a new Bible study, to train up in wisdom & truth. i am going back to school while trying to balance a life at home. only God can continue to keep our family strong while we walk thru this new time. i am starting to take dancing. i've always wanted to dance. i may start singing again..... who knows.
