hot mess mama, i guess that's kind of like a misfit mama. similar in most ways but i think a misfit tends to roll around in other areas, sprinkling a bit of magic and weird into everything they do.
i saw this video forever ago (forever is relative as i have no sense of time) and laughed really hard.
https://youtu.be/tOQViEZOwGk it was relate able. i was surprised that other moms felt as out of whack as i did. that life wasn't easy for everyone else.
then i forgot about it. not right away mind you. i rallied with other moms that said they too were a hot mess. but in time i forgot. i forgot to laugh, to take pride in my weird & to find the fun in all things.
over time i got distracted, i got bogged down & a bit lost. recently (again relative b/c it was like 9mo ago) i thought hey i should write a blog again. we've had some major life changes, i could connect with the outside world & if anyone wants to know the whats & whys of life then i can share with them.
they can join our journey, our adventure & ride the waves of faith (when we don't fall to worry)
but then i kept stalling..... i wanted the blog to have meaning & power. to inspire. so i procrastinated. i kept saying well i can't write today b/c (insert various excuses) but i did start writing it on paper. so when i had a chance to sit at a computer i'd be able to write volumes of posts.
my first entry was actually quite good. i was pleasantly surprised..... then i lost it, then i found it, then my child drew all over it & ripped part of it for an art project..... ok, that was the end of it. i wouldn't write, i'm terrible anyway, what have i got to say?
i realized during this time i started to feel "off" like something was missing, but what? i was searching but didn't know what i was searching for. there are many feelings i have had, and struggle with that might seem like an endless droll so i guess the slim & skinny of it simply is my soul was lost.
i did start to do a Bible study not long ago, but it has since concluded. that helped me. but i still felt weird, like i wasn't doing enough, or enough of the right things........ i just caught myself diving into the rabbit hole of describing my feelings, not needed for this story.
well internet? i have recently found myself near a laptop again, and was told again to write by a friend, and was feeling the urge to do so..... even with that i still stalled, it took me almost a week to log into my account & look at past posts.
the last one i wrote? (you should go read it) FLOORED me. i was shocked! was that really me? the woman who was finding herself? who was secure in her faith? who was confident? WHERE is she? i think i might've locked her away again. but then again maybe i was so isolated from the world that i began to disconnect.
we are created to be relational beings. that's why our offspring our so dependent upon us. we are designed to love and care for one another. so now i must learn to love again. how is it that i forget? maybe i don't forget how to love but the putting it into practice?
my last post had a mantra "perfect love drives out fear" how true that is. how much so do i need to cling to the cross & stop freezing in my life. i must live & live fully. may my life of living by authored by Love, be spoken in love & inspired by it. may my life be beauty, a piece of art that inspires & creates, remembers how to sing, dance & LAUGH. oh how i miss laughing often. don't worry i'm learning again. i think i have laughed more in some ways but not as much as i should. & i need to hug. why ever did i stop hugging, but i want wisdom with my hugging. knowing when & who to hug etc.
so a few little links that i thought of that i am going to read & listen to that pertain to my post.
https://youtu.be/J3-d_IrMm9A
some of the lyrics stood out to me as i was typing this post. also i hear part of a sermon this morning that said we need to daily die to self & allow God to work thru us. how much easier life is when we submit to His will instead of trying to do everything on our own & in our own power.
https://g.co/kgs/nxRMiV i bought this book last summer & didn't read the whole thing. i read a piece of it, was inspired then packed it away. a goal is to not only read it this summer but implement what i can into my family life.
may i continually move forward in life. no more stops, stalls or steps backwards.
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